Can i not drive my cunt home
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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