You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
