Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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