We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
