Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
