Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
