ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
