I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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