he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
