She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
40s are totally the cure
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
