I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
