i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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