My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
