I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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