just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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