Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
