she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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