the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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