you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
this must be what syphilis tastes like
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
