Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She bit a glass in half.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
