Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
