There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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