My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
