The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
