well I can't set my house on fire every night
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
