I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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