Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
