How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
