What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
