What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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