did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
oh god the rape fog is back!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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