I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
