Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
