i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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