Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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