Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
