dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
