Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
