i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
