First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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