News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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