the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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