This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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