Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
