the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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