its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
