Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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