I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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