Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize
