forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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