so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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