girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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