I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
