Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
